Besides, public toilets (moreso than home ones) should be low-flow water- efficient already.

Flush it away.

I know this guy Alfonso who usually hangs out under the Girard Ave El stop. Look for the guy with the gold teeth standing by the payphone.

I thought the actors did a good job overall. I was most impressed with the actor who played Solomon. I thought he seemed the most "real", whatever that means. The least effective was the actress who portrayed Diwata. but that might have been the role she was playing.

Try "High: Confessions of an International Drug Smuggler" by Brian O'Dea. He's not the world's best writer, but it's a behind-the-scenes look at how one man became a major-league pot and cocaine smuggler. (Of course, most of his stories aren't verifiable, but that goes with the territory.)

Howdy Stinkbug,

Great question. I guess many of the best readings I've been to have been good because they added something to the experience of reading without simply being a rote recitation of part of the book.

Many of the best readings I've been to involve different elements combined into a real show: Christopher Frizzelle did a great show with Jonathan Safran Foer and Charles D'Ambrosio a few years ago at the Chop Suey with live music, readings, and a Q&A session that was riveting. Likewise, Dave Eggers, in a few of his many appearances in Seattle, has done kind of a literary variety show with slides, guest readers, and a long, funny Q&A period. And Chuck Palahniuk is an enthusiastic reader who provides lots of behind-the-scenes information on the writing of the book. And if you live in Seattle and you haven't seen Sherman Alexie read, you're really missing out: He's funny and really compelling.

But some people are great readers of their own work, and hearing them read can be an illuminating experience: Aleksandar Hemon reads his work with his delightful Eastern European accent, and it uncovered some of the humor that had previously gone right over my head while I was reading the book. Some of the best readers of their own work who I've encountered include Lorrie Moore, who was very funny and Wisconsonian in a way I didn't expect; Matt Ruff, who has a geeky enthusiasm for sci-fi that really shines through in his readings; Doug Nufer, who often turns poetry into a fistfight; Stacey Levine, whose dry delivery has a certain indefinable twinkle; Colson Whitehead, who digresses like nobody's business; and David Sedaris, who I saw read two nights in a row last year at Benaroya Hall. Watching him improvise and interact with two very different crowds was a special pleasure. He's probably the best reader I've ever seen.

It sounds like initially entering the header/footer info on the 2nd page is the solution:

http://discussions.info.apple.com/thread.jspa?threadID=2201152&tstart=975&messageID=10415627

Ray's and Chandler's both have lots of veggie sides that they can make into an entree plate for you if you just talk to the waiter or someone. I have just told the waiters to ask the chefs to whip me up anything that isn't pasta and they have worked wonders. I think that both of those places the chefs don't mind a little challenge. :-)

The answer will depend on a few details. Is the audience formal or informal? What's the intended tone of the verbs? I assume "march" is a command, but is die, or is the sense "March or you will die"? And is the marching a forced act, or a march of protest?

"Marchez ou mourrez" would be the equivalent of "March or you will die" as said to a formal audience (anyone but friends or children, basically).

Hi, Gurldoggie,

Do you mean Roberto Bolaño? If so, then yes: 2666 is really astounding. It's a challenging read—it takes a hell of a lot longer to get through than your average book—but there's nothing else quite like it.

If you don't mean Bolaño, then I don't know a Roberto and I'm sorry but maybe someone else could help.

Howdy CB C@L:

Well, it's not a true World War II story, but you should give Every Man Dies Alone by Hans Fallada a shot. It's a novel written by an author who participated in German underground activities against the Nazis. You can read more about it in my interview with Alan Furst, who has written ten espionage novels set in World War II that you might find interesting, too. (A counterpart novel to Every Man is Irene Némirovsky, whose recently discovered novel Suite Francaise is the French side of the story.)

You might enjoy Fred Vargas's Inspector Adamsberg mysteries, too. They're very French and not Nordic, but there are some similarities to Wahloo's work.

And I think everyone should give Richard Stark's Parker novels a try. They're revenge crime fiction, and they're brutally, brilliantly written novels.

It's a long shot, since I know this place will be playing the football game too, but Norm's in Fremont is hella into dogs. They *might* turn on the puppy bowl during half time.

I had this same problem a while back. I had a backlog of FreeHand 3-5 files from the early 90's and FH11 wouldn't open them. The answer is to go back to FreeHand 8 and open them and resave to FH8 (which can be opened in FH11-FHMX).

This means working in Classic mode on the Mac or using an older PPC Mac.

Missed it. What's it about?

The baths are going to provide a fungal infection to go with the stds you are likely to get having sex there. These are places for straight-identifying men and hyper-sexual types to have sex. (myself included) You sound secure enough in your bi-sexuality to go out and have some proper sex.

The great thing about living here in Seattle is the vast number of gays. Every sexual type is represented. There are legions of guys who are looking for your exact situation. Guys who love being that first experience for a novice strait guy. They are specialists and will want your experience to be positive and fulfilling.

Don't sell your self short. Be completely upfront about your self and what you are looking for. Use the internet if that works for you or go to a gay bar that is consistent with your personality type. Use the normal safe practices you would when hooking up with anyone. (Take some time and read up on safe sex before you ever have sex again, please) and have a good time.

Kingdom Vegetarian-even if you're not vegan, their stuff is amazing. Definitely space for a group, but call ahead

Pretty much true, yes. As long as you're just a pedestrian and not breaking any laws, not only do you not have to carry ID, you don't have to identify yourself to anyone. Just don't go mucking up your rights by being too "curious" about things that probably have nothing to do with you:

http://blogtown.portlandmercury.com/BlogtownPDX/archives/2010/01/15/cyclist-kicked-out-of-waterfront-park-for-biking-after-midnight

The ad ran in the January 20th issue of Boise Weekly. For more information you can go to Interior Designers of Idaho's website. www.interiordesignersofidaho.org

I can't hope to match the great answer by MaxtheGirl, nor would I try. I was never a 13 year old girl, although I suspect things are not so different for the guys based on my experience.

There is one thing she said that I disagree with and that is that we "don't choose the way we feel". It's not always obvious, but we do choose the way we feel. As MaxtheGirl points out later on: "No one else can make you happy". And the same is true about being sad. No one else can make you feel sad either.

Based on experience - yours, mine, everyone's - it will usually feel that feelings are the cause of external events. But we have all had days where "nothing gets to us". No matter what happens we just take it in our stride. Why? Because internally, on that rare day, we have perspective and a sort of inner peace, or happiness.

It turns out that most people feel whatever it is they are thinking about. Whatever gets your focus generates your mood. If you focus on the fact that you don't have the boyfriend you wanted then that has your attention and generates the way you feel.

So, it's tough to do, but let something else be the focus of your attention. People have asked Dan Savage this kind of question many a time, and my impression is that he says roughly the same thing, but in his own unique style i.e. without all the philosophical BS that I do.

You are clearly mature beyond your years in that you:

1. Recognize the good in him
2. Have decided to protect yourself by "keeping everybody out".

Great on the first one, but the second one is about as bad as it gets. Being "vulnerable" is ultimately the most powerful weapon against feeling depressed. If you let down your walls and stop protecting yourself you will discover to your astonishment, that you are stronger than anyone. Why? Because you are not afraid.

Good luck with everything.

I've looked and haven't found anything in Seattle. Popina Swimwear in Portland has a few retro styles, but that's the closest place I've found. The internet may be your best bet.

If the kids as old as in your profile picture, he'll get a few laughs but not understand a damn thing about it perhaps. Its a decent film, I enjoyed it.

Wow...I am not Dan Savage but I would think he would tell you that the first thing you need to do is GET TESTED! You are in a relationship with a poz guy and routinely have sex in bath houses and don't get tested? How can anyone in this day and age treat their health and the health of their sex partners so cavalierly?

The fact that you let anyone suck your dick without knowing your status is bad enough, but now you are considering having them eat your cum??? Do the MSM community a favor and get tested and then make better decisions about safer sex.

Here is what I like to take to parties when I am short on time:

Roquefort Cheese Spread:

1. Take 2 parts blue cheese to one part softened butter and mix together.

2. Season with cognac and cayenne pepper to taste.

3. Serve with the whole wheat crackers that are made by Carr's.

Curried Cream Cheese Canapes:

1. Take 1 package of cream cheese and mix with curry powder to taste, chopped black olives and scallions.

2. Spread on toast rounds or serve with crackers as a spread.

As a woman who doesn't want children, I'd be thrilled to meet a man who'd had a vasectomy who didn't want children . But most women aren't like me, and if you want to meet women who want children (and you do, because you want children too), you really shouldn't get a vasectomy now. Most women would see that as a deal breaker.

Also, I do think it's too early for you to know for sure that you want to adopt instead of having biological children. I applaud you for thinking about it, and I'm not saying you're wrong, but other people have made some great points about the difficulties that can be involved in adoption. My advice would be to wait until you can make a more informed decision, i.e. when you have a partner and the two of you have discussed options and looked into the reality of adoption.

That said, I do think you could probably find a doctor who is willing to do it. Valkyrie's suggestion of Planned Parenthood is a good one. But even though you probably can do it, I really don't think you should . Seriously. I predict it would create more problems for you than it would solve.

First some general advice. I doubt you need a therapist. Stop pressuring yourself, you've only been with awesome girl #2 for 1-2 months. It'll take your dick a while to get over the horror you last terrible lover. As you get to know and trust the new better girl your dick will "come" around.

More specific advice ... I've been married a long time (12 years this year, and we lived together 2 years before that.) My man has had the occasional anxiety erection difficulty. It passes, but the key is to keep the pressure off.
What would I do in your case? You are going to have to re-train the part of your brain that makes you anxious. Take intercourse off the table and out of mind for a while, and masturbate A LOT with your new girl. Practice having and keeping an erection around her. Hell, I would also get a dildo together (if she doesn't have one of her already that is.) And use that on her, learn how to fuck her with it. Once you can "maintain" around her via masturbation, slowly ease it in. Fuck her for as long as you can, then next time try for a little longer, and the time after try a little longer etc. Keep the dildo/vibrators handy. Trust me a girl would rather have a guy who is concerned about getting her off more then one that is capable of hammering her for 30 minutes.
Above all sex is about fun and enjoying each others bodies/company, not sticky your dick in all available holes and jack-hammering away like a porn star.
Oh something else just occurred to me, how often are you jerking off? If you are jacking it to porn TOO often, your dick just might not be interested, since it is getting all of its needs fulfilled that way. Cut back on the extra-curricular activities and see if that helps to.

This may end up being a very unpopular answer, but it's the hard truth as l see it.

Fact: You are in an unhappy marriage in which you haven't been sexually satisfied for five years.

This could be based on any number of emotional problems which, frankly, probably affect your child whether you know it or not. Kids aren't stupid, and they know when their parents are unhappy, no matter how well their parents may conceal it.

Fact: You are staying in the marriage because you don't want to hurt your family unit.

See above - you already are. Not only you specifically. Both of you. And it certainly sounds like both of you have given up. lf that doesn't hurt a family unit, l don't know what does.

Fact: You are now engaging in an extramarital affair because you need something you aren't getting.

This doesn't make you a skank or a CPOS; it's just clear that you feel you've tried everything, and it didn't work, and you're feeling helpless. You're probably needing some real support as well. You aren't alone in feeling like this, and it's often the very reason people do end up cheating. The act of cheating isn't going to make you feel very good about yourself, though, and you'll need to find some way to justify that to yourself so you DON'T feel like a CPOS. The problem is, l don't think you're going to find a justified answer. The only justified option would be consciously and mutually opening up your marriage to other partners, and that doesn't sound like a tack you can take here without damaging things further.

Fact: You don't think you can leave him now that he is sick.

This will fly completely in the face of expected response, but why not? Because he hasn't given you what you need, getting sick is his get out of jail free card? Why?

l'm not saying that you *should* just up and leave. l'm not saying that at all. This isn't just cancer, it's stage four cancer, and l can't even begin to imagine what kind of toll this takes on anyone, no matter how challenging being married to them might be. Whether or not love is currently present, it was at some point, and powerful enough to marry you together. My heart goes out to both of you, truly.

But what will happen next if you don't have a very, VERY serious conversation with him is predictable:
You will care for his health for as long as he lives, and til death do you part. You will resent him for not only the previous years of neglect, but the next years in which he is sick and needing someone -you- to keep him in good health. You will be wracked with guilt because in all of this, you will continue your affair, but you will do so because you'll probably need that comfort and intimacy more than ever. lf your husband goes into remission and lives a long and cancer-free life, you will be angry that you are still forced to sneak around because nothing in your relationship has changed. lf he dies, you will find yourself relieved - to be free of the burden, and free to make your own decisions without guilt. But you'll spend at least the next year (if not more) feeling horribly guilty for feeling relieved in the first place.

Trust me, this is not an uncommon scenario, and it's why it's so easy to predict. lt doesn't have to be, but you and your husband need to sit down and have a very big discussion. l think that discussion will have to include you telling him how truly unhappy and helpless you feel, and coming clean about your affair. You need to let him know it all. Not only does he need to know, he deserves to know. This isn't just your life that is suffering.

You also need to ask yourself one question before you talk: lf the circumstances were different, would you leave him? lf you weren't married, if you didn't have a child, and if he wasn't sick, would you leave him? lf the answer is yes, then he REALLY needs to know that, because it means you are utterly and completely miserable, and that it's not love that's keeping you there. lt's duty, and that's a huge fucking problem. lf the answer is no, then ask yourself why that is. lf it's love, then it means you still have hope for the relationship, and maybe that's exactly what you need to get through this and to the other side. But he needs to know that too, and you need to be able to ask him the same questions and trust in an honest answer. lf both of you just don't have the love anymore, then at least you're in a position to discuss ending the relationship while there's still a chance to be friends, in which case you can still support him and be there for him through his illness. He needs that love and support from you no matter what is happening. But it won't be nearly as generous an act on your part if you keep him in the dark, and he'll sense it if he doesn't already.

This is a time bomb waiting to happen, and it will leave you both devastated if you don't deal with it NOW. Especially now that he's sick. Don't torture either of you any further, and give him the right to make a decision. Don't deny yourselves the option to fix things and really make this experience worthwhile, or to at least part while you still love and respect each other. You are not a complete and total asshole; you are having a natural response to an unhappy and unhealthy situation. But nothing good will come of this if you don't make it very clear that something needs to change, because no matter how lonely you had to be to end up in the arms of another man, you are now the bad guy whether you earned that title or not. Five years with no intimacy is not a dry spell; it's a death sentence. You have the right to know if this is the end, and to respect yourself afterwards. So does he. Tell him.

Instead of starting out with "I want to break up," you could say "This isn't working out for me." Right off the bat, you're strongly implying that the issue is yours and not his. Throw in an apology as well. If you're planning on meeting him somewhere for the break up talk, maybe do it some amount of time before you have to be somewhere else so you have an excuse to end the conversation rather than let it go on forever. If he gets argumentative, I'd use that as an immediate excuse to just get up and walk away. No one should ever have to defend a decision to break up. It's your life; you get to decide whom to spend it with.

I think there are a couple of things at work here. First of all, it sounds like you have some intimacy issues. What you're feeling isn't wrong or bad, or even that uncommon, but I do think you should see a therapist of some kind. The right therapist will be able to help you get to the root of your fear of intimacy and work through it. You probably aren't going to be able to do that completely on your own, and that's normal. Seeing a therapist is a healthy thing. It can be difficult to admit that you can't fix yourself, but the truth is that most people can't.

Second, you're an introvert. Most people are extroverts and our culture is pretty much set up for them. Because you're in the minority, it's easy to feel marginalized, like there's something wrong with you. But there is nothing wrong with being introverted. You just need to remind yourself that it's okay to enjoy solitude. It's okay to prefer your own company most of the time. I personally love being alone so much that I have to remind myself frequently that I also love being with people (just in small doses). Sometimes I have to force myself to make plans with friends or to go to a party, and when I do, I usually enjoy it. Of course, I also give myself permission to stay home when I'm feeling antisocial. It's all about finding the right balance for yourself. I've found this article to be very useful in dealing with extroverts who don't understand the introverted personality.

Sigh. lf l had a dime for every time l had to suggest bisexuality to someone instead of the rigid gay or straight diagnosis, l'd have my own fucking island.

Sorry, but this is often a frustrating thing for me. lt's more than possible that you are simply bi, and depending on what you need at that moment (not the time of year), you gravitate towards whichever gender best provides that.

However, that doesn't mean you can just date and live with him/her one day, and dip out the next. Liking both sexes (no matter what label you prefer) is a tricky thing. You need to decide that either you are monogamous (and therefore essentially pick one gender and stick with it), nonmonogamous (and allow each other to date whomever the hell you want), or monogamous with conditions (you occasionally get to play with other people under certain conditions). You do NOT have a full blown romantic relationship and move in with someone with whom you "like as a friend and occasionally liked the benefit". That just makes you a dick, a tease, and you give gender-nonspecific lovers everywhere a shitty reputation.

Give up this situation with her if she is suffering from your ambiguous relationship. She seems to have romantic feelings that you don't reciprocate, so be the bigger man and don't lead her on. lf you like women -even if it's not always- there are others with whom you can have a FWB relationship in which everyone actually does benefit, and nobody gets hurt.

I take it you don't like to be kissed? How about asking her to show you how she wants to be kissed? Maybe if you know that what you're doing is turning her on, you'll be more into it. That being said, I don't think kissing is the be all and end all. But, if she likes and desires it, it would behoove you to indulge her--after all she may very well being doing the same for you. A little enthusiasm goes a long way!

Brush his teeth and wash his face. And go and Google "UTI" and the names of all his beauty products—shaving cream, moisturizer (if he uses any), etc.—to see if anyone else is having similar issues.

If you were being paid as W-4 employee and the reason for separation is the contract is ending you should be eligible for unemployment benefits. File your claim as soon as your contract ends. The HR department of the company you were contracting with should be able to get you this information and more.

If you were a 1099 contractor you probably won't be eligible for UI since no taxes were deducted and that work falls typically falls under self-employment.

Hmmm. I have a similar situation. My current boyfriend suffers from depression. Long term, clinical. When we started dating over 2 years ago, things were great--I thought. However, I eventually learned about his depression and things deteriorated. Basically, he was in a very bad place, and he broke up with me to "figure things out." Nine months later, we got back together--after lots of talk, soul searching and claims from him that he had and would continue to work on his depression and that if it ever arose again, we would talk things out, do things differently, etc. Now, during the time when we were broken up, I was heartbroken and could not move on. I dated a few people, went to see a therapist and even took anti depressants myself. Now that we have been back together again for nearly a year, it seems that the depression has, as you say, reared its ugly head once again. Like you, I don't blame him--hate the disease, not the person suffering from it.

On the other hand, he is really not capable of giving me what I need--what I have found with dealing with this disease is that it is very easy to fall into being a caretaker. But you know what--no one ever takes care of you! And you need and deserve that just as much as he does. Relationships should involve mutual support and caring--and if this person is not able to give that to you, then, well--find someone who can. Easier said than done right?

I think it's important to remember a few things--one--no one can be all things for another person. Also, there was probably nothing more you could have done to make this relationship work. You tried your hardest and sadly, it wasn't enough--because no one ever can be! There are many people in the world that can be good fits for us--take the time to consider that, give yourself time to open up to it--and do it!

He'll always be in your heart as someone who you love, and that's okay. But you gave it your all--now give yourself permission to go out and find out about yourself and who might be a good match for you! I found that I was holding on to this relationship in some ways to shield myself from having to go out there and find--and be vulnerable--to another one.
Good luck, and my heart goes out to you.

It's hard to see how this ends well. You hit your sexual peak, and out comes all this wonderfulness/weirdness (depending on your POV). Guys hit their peaks early, our weirdnesses are named and on the table before we shack up. But women? Women often hit their sexual peaks, and come fully into their kinks, long into established LTRs... and that can really complicate matters if the man a woman like you married remains as vanilla as he was the day you met (as vanilla as YOU were on the day you met).

If you find yourself sabotaging the relationship, well, your relationship probably isn't long for this world. I would urge you, though, to consider the long odds against finding two guys that wanna be in a MMF LTR. That's a tall order... and it might be something you leave this guy to go find and wind up searching for in vain all the rest of your fuckable days. So... maybe it should remain a fantasy?

But, oh, the heart wants what it wants. At the very least you're going to want to scratch this itch, so... if your partner can't go there with you—no MMF threeways—perhaps he would be willing to give you permission to go get that need met on the side/sly... but he's unlikely to give you that permission until he understands just how desperately you need this. So you might want to tell him that the desire is so overwhelming that you find yourself contemplating ending your relationship to fulfill it. I don't know how well that will play, Fantasy, but it is the truth... and he deserves the truth, no?

Yes, you're an idiot.

I mean, if you're phrase the question like this, and you're as frustrated as you sound with this guy, I think you shouldn't limit your search to the general area -- something he wants -- if he's not willing to give you what you want, CB, and that's marriage. Not signs of marriage, not warnings of impending marriage. Marriage, period. He's asking you to commit to him, by staying nearby, while he's not willing to commit to you? Pssshht.

Apply everywhere.

I've been a proponent... of poppers? Uh... when? Where? If I said that, I was high at the time.

I'm a proponent of pot... of medical marijuana, of course, under certain circumstances. But poppers are nasty and bad for you and, in the US, illegal, so you don't know what the hell you're getting when you buy "video head cleaner" or whatever. I recommend that you don't do them.

You would be much better off to learn a route around the tracks should you happen across a train, because the freight trains are pretty notorious for not having much schedule reliability. I've been stuck there a few times, but I usually just follow somebody else or just chance it on the side streets... It may or may not be a net time saver, but it certainly helps to quell the frustration.

Sometimes you have to accept that there's no solution. If you stay with him, this is what you're gonna get, this is what you've signed up for: your husband's libido is maddeningly lower than your own. It doesn't sound like he's willing to work on it, and generally people can't ramp up their libidos. Your only options here are lots of masturbation (with assists from the husband, if he's not an asshole), affairs with others (men in included) that provide you with more regular sex, and/or accepting that once-every-two-weeks, while not much, is as much as you're going to get from him. Is that a price you're willing to pay to be wit him?

Well, gee.

I hope she has two gears, your partner, one that takes morbid pleasure in other people's horrible misfortunes and actually lived-and-experienced abuse... and another that recognizes that, however hot her reptile brain my find the idea of that kind of extreme, non-consensual experience, and however outside-her-control that may be, in REALITY there was nothing pleasurable about cases like Elisabeth Fritzi. Can she articulate that?

If she can... then she gets a pass. If she can't... then, yeah, something's very, very wrong.

Tell him you'll always be close, you'll always love him, and that you're going to be there for him to offer your support as he explores his gender identity... but as his friend, not as his girlfriend. And... that's it, that's the best you can do. You can't stay in this relationship forever, one you want out of, lest he interpret your leaving as disapproval. If he plays that card, tell him it's not true. If he plays it again, he's using your tolerance and acceptance to manipulate and guilt trip you, and you should point out that his doing so will make it harder, if not impossible, for you to be there for him.

Or... um... is it "she" and "her" now? If your partner has begun identifying as female, it is or should be. But I defaulted to the pronouns you used, Shelly, as you're in a better position to know.

Learn, enjoy, and remind yourself every time you see him that this is not going to be a lasting relationship—he's married and he's being dishonest with his wife, which doesn't make this an inherently unhealthy relationship, but makes it a more complicated relationship, and likelier to end... badly. When you feel it starting to wind down, when your interest wanes, or your gut tells you to go... go.

Um... none of the above? I'd take an unnamed dancer from the pages of an old After Dark magazine over any of the four guys you mention.

You have my permission to cease being nice—cease being overly considerate, cease being thoroughly manipulated—by your ex in 3, 2, 1... NOW.

No more bullshit. Go where you wanna go, do what you wanna do, with whoever you wanna do it with.

He might have turned down the Viagra because... the idea of it, or the idea of accepting it, wounded his pride. Ask him what was up -- and there are ED drugs besides Viagra that might help. Ask him to give the doc a call and ask him to phone in the prescription; no doubt the doc, having offered it during an exam, would be happy to phone it in. And you can go pick it up.

Your husband is just embarrassed that he needs it. He just needs to push past that feeling... which he can do, with your upbeat support.

Well, gee. All you need to do it put yourself out there -- but not in fraught circumstances. You don't want to be groped, I presume, by some drunk-but-hot guy in a bar, right? So create some online profiles, let friends know you're interested in dating, and leave the freaking house -- go to readings, work in coffee shops, pursue your interests and see who you meet along the way. Say yes when you're asked out, even if you're not too terribly into the guy, just to get some dating experience under you belt. Be honest about your history because the guys your honesty will scare off are guys you're not going to be interested in anyway (or shouldn't be). Don't give a deposition; you don't have to share every detail. Just give a vague outline -- not much experience, thanks to some shit that happened in childhood, but you've gotten help and you're ready and steady to date -- and then shift the conversation over to other, more general, more upbeat topics.

Good luck!

What's munch?

It sounds like you're doing just fine without my suggestions. Flirt with girls you guys think are cute, throw your desires out there, and if they say yes... well, you win. If they say no, move along.

You are not obligated to undergo fertility treatments before adopting, SnC. Do what feels right, go where your heart tells you to go.

God fucking damnit. I just wrote a HUGE response, and when I hit post it... disappeared.

Look, handjobs (and blowjobs) *are* sex. So the only person depriving your husband of sex right now is your husband. They're not the kind of sex he wants most, of course, or likes best, but... for now... it'll have to do. And he should be gracious about it, about accepting you where you're at right now, because it's the best way to maintain your sexual connection and for you two to reestablish trust and to begin to be sexual again without everything being shot through and curdled by resentment (yours) and anger (his).

That said, L, it's been longer than seven months, right? Seven months since birth, and how many months before? That's a long time to go without, so... some compassion for the husband, hey?

And you need to acknowledge... that sex is a priority, that it's important for your relationship, your marriage, and your kid for you two to maintain your sexual connection. So prioritize it... when you can. And talk about de-stressing your lives, as best you can, to help move things along in that direction. Got money to hire a house cleaner? Hire one. Get a sitter to come by and babysit even when you're both at home -- just so there's an extra pair of hands, just so mom and dad can spend some time alone together, at home, sexual or not, while someone else watches the baby.

Go to your local library and ask them if they have a language exchange program. This is where Spanish speakers practice their English on you and you practice your Spanish on them.

If your branch doesn't offer it, look into a branch that has a Spanish Language population that might.

You don't have to disclose, but... it's generally a good idea. Feel free to have audition sex with both, and then if one pleases you more, or you feel more strongly about one of 'em, and the feelings seem to be mutual, cut the other one loose.